#5 Brian of Brian’s Bazaar
The marvelous annunciation and clear diction of Brian are what first gave me respect for him. But also his exuberance, his declaration of Unearthly Wonders that he has in store, and his lack of fear of mentioning Captain Flameheart by name. We should all strive to be as BOLD and BOISTEROUS AS BRIAN AND HIS BAZAAR.
#4 Jonah of Wild Treasures Seapost
What is the incident that keeps him from Dagger Tooth Outpost? Is he really a secret Skeleton Lord as Emerick suspects?
He seems friendly enough, which is why he made this list. Anyone this desperate to be your friend can’t be too bad… right?
#3 Merrick
When he’s not summoning giant behemoths from the depths below, he’s found grilling up fish or singing a merry shanty. That’s why he’s on this list, as a brave reminder of the freedom a pirate has to live how they want. He’s also sporting a very nice two-pegleg look. Chic! Originally appearing as the catalyst for the Hungering Deep event, he later showed up a year later with a brand new Trading Company, the Hunter’s Call. Many pirates have him to thank for the introduction of fishing to the Sea of Thieves.
#2 Larinna
One of the protagonists of the Athena’s Fortune novel, and though this is the only place we have encountered her so far, she may soon be coming to the game as Duke and Stitcher Jim revealed she’s the leader of the Bilge Rats.
A determined and plucky pirate who arrived as a stowaway before managing to convince her way in to the crew of the Unforgiven, she overcame many challenges, and has evidently built on that. We cannot wait to hear more of her tales in time to come.
#1 Captain Briggsy
You all know her, she never asked to be cursed… but I’m sure she doesn’t mind being number one on my list! Briggsy is an excellent example of living a pirate’s life, sailing to the beat of one’s own drum, seeking out extraordinary challenges, getting extraordinarily cursed…
Whilst she commanded respect and awe as a human it makes her unfortunate demise into single-minded Skeleton Lord all that much more impactful. She had so much potential but succumbed like anyone else could have, yet despite that she had the wherewithal to defy the Gold Hoarder and destroy the Shroudbreaker, taking steps to ensure other adventurers don’t befall the same fate as herself.
#5 Yura, formerly of North Star Seapost
Yura once ran a Seapost shop in spite of her crippling phobia of sharks. This is both inspiring and hilarious- it’s great she’s overcoming her fear, but it’s a bit like a claustrophobe getting a job as an elevator operator. That being said, “person afraid of sharks takes job on a small rock in the ocean” stops being funny when you realize that Rachel on the Finest Trading Post is always seasick, and this is essentially the same joke.
Where it gets interesting however is that, with the release of the Anniversary Update, Yura’s position on North Star Seapost was replaced by Sudds the stargazer (another strong contender for this list). Fans wondered for months what had happened to her, as she’d been removed from the game entirely without any explanation. That is, until the game designers did a Q&A on the official forums and revealed that she “was eaten by a shark”. Now the joke is funny again!
#4 Burnin’ Tony
The NPC’s that choose to reside in the perilous Devil’s Roar region are typically outcasts, even by Sea of Thieves’ standards, and Tony is a perfect example- they won’t let him hold a position on an outpost because he’s a deranged (reformed) arsonist who burned down a tavern. But that doesn’t bother him, as his seclusion on Ruby’s Fall gives him time to watch the mesmerizing destruction of the volcano’s fire. Something tells me his “rehabilitation” isn’t going very well.
…Oh, and he can knit pretty well too.
#3 Walter the Feared
The other cargo trader in the Devil’s Roar, Walter the Feared seems entirely affable at first, which begs the question of how he even earned his ominous nickname. He dispenses wonderfully optimistic life lessons like “smile and the world smiles with you” and “a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet”. Listen closely though, and you might get a clue or two- I wonder what he means when he says “I definitely never stand barefoot in the lava just to feel alive!”
…I wasn’t kidding when I said this region attracts outcasts.
#2 Blind Bob
Blind Bob isn’t on this list for the wonderfully groan-inducing dad jokes he dispenses in the Pirate Legend tavern. He’s not on this list for his role in the “Quest for the Golden Bananas” campaign, in which he stole the Golden Bananas from Captain Bronzebeard and then revealed their location through a series of insane riddles. He’s not even on this list for having the best beard on the seas (that’s Graymarrow).
Blind Bob is on this list because of one simple question: How did this weird, scrawny, joke telling old man who has no eyesight become legendary enough to be one of Athena’s Fortune’s ghostly residents? Is he like Master Yoda, who doesn’t look like much but is secretly incredibly powerful? Every pirate that proves their worth and earns Pirate Legend status must contend with the fact that Blind Bob beat you there, and I find this immensely entertaining.
#1 Salty the Parrot
During Salty’s human life, he (like many pirates) was a bit of a scum bag. When he discovered a cursed cannon from Captain Flameheart’s legendary ship, he struck up a business relationship with Wanda the weaponsmith so they could experiment with the cannon’s curses and create a hot ticket item to profit off of. They created Cursed Cannonballs, but in the process they (predictably) became cursed; Wanda gradually became an undead skeleton named Warsmith, while Salty befell a worse fate- he was transformed into a skeleton parrot.
Luckily for us he retained most of his memories as well as his ability to talk because without it, he wouldn’t have graced us with Sea of Thieves’ greatest quote: “I miss having wrists”. #BeMoreParrot
